Itachi's Jobs of Doom: A Doom Diary Special
by Tara Terra
Summary: When Pein makes the Akatsuki get jobs, Itachi has trouble keeping one. Find out what happens. Formerly know as Itachi's Diary of Doom: Job Edition. Not to be confused with Itachi's Diary of Doom by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD which is the wonderful story that gave me the Initial inspiration.
1. Chapter 1

Time for a new fanfic. This one is presented in diary format but instead of entries day by day, each chapter is a diary style record of the job Itachi has. Itachi is one of my favorite Naruto characters and this is my first fanfic about him. Lets see what jobs he can get and how long he keeps them. Read and Review please.

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Our leader has gone crazy. It's official. He wants everyone in the Akatsuki to get jobs to earn money as we are somehow broke. Anyway, I thought it would be simple to get a good job, especially as I have good skills such as murdering clans, asking people nicely to let me kidnap them, frying fish, setting booby traps, and keeping a diary. Somehow, I haven't gotten hired anywhere. Kisame, The Last Teenage Mutant Ninja Shark, who is also illiterate, has not gotten hired either. His resume started with "My name ez Kissamee. I luve fishies." He had a terrible upbringing. It's a good thing that his clan was destroyed by me so there aren't more illiterate teenage mutant ninja sharks running around. However, everyone else has gotten jobs somehow. Konan is an origami teacher for little children. Kakuzu is a banker. Deidara has a job in demolitions working with dynamite. Zetsu is working as a florist. Tobi is a taste tester at a lollipop factory. Sasori is a puppeteer at The amusement park. Pein considers himself not needing a job as all our paychecks go to him and then he pays us. And Hidan is a male stripper.

**I'm not a fucking stripper Pinkeye. I work in a butcher shop killing animals and in a tattoo parlor as a tattoo artist. I have two jobs and you have one. Take that!**

**-Hidan**

I have been told by our annoying overlord that he has found jobs for Kisame and I. I bet that illiterate foolish teenage mutant ninja shark has to work at McDonalds or somewhere else embarrassing. Ha!

**No Itachi, that's your job. Kisame is to work as a tour guide at the aquarium. You have no choice but to go to work. You are not allowed to quit.**

**-Pein**

What! Well, as I have no choice, I'll work there. I won't be there long though. On a side note, my foolish little brother, the creepy gender confused snake pedophile, and Kabuto have gotten jobs as well. Kabuto is a surgeon in a hospital. Orochimaru is the snake expert at the reptile area at the zoo. My foolish little brother is working as a salesperson at Hollister. Oh, the shame, seeing my clan brought to this. Although, Hollister clothes would be a huge improvement over what Sasuke is wearing currently. His clothes are disturbing.

Today I started work at Mcdonalds. The people there have no manners at all. I hate the managers. The customers need to stop coming. Don't they realize how unhealthy that food is? I thought of a solution though.

After two weeks of suffering, the day after payday I enacted my plan. It was a success. I am now jobless after being fired.

What did he do?

**-Konan**

**He killed everyone in McDonalds.**

**-Pein**

Itachi, that's awful!

**-Konan**

**Itachi, you are to get another job. This time, no murdering anyone.**

**-Pein**

So, now I still have to have a job, unfortunately. I don't get what the big deal was about the incident at McDonalds. They were going to die sooner or later. My next job hopefully is better. I don't want to work anywhere embarrassing. Everyone else is doing well at their jobs. My foolish little brother was fired from Hollister though. Apparently he attacked the girls shopping there because they kept following him. He should talk to them instead of chasing them away. All of his talk of restoring our clan is nothing if he does make an effort. If he bothered to act he would be married already and most likely have a harem. I'm almost on the verge of asking Orochimaru to force him to have a girlfriend, a normal girl, not one of Orochimaru's experiments. Although, I should probably start to look for a wife as well.

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Please review. I hope you liked chapter one of Itachi's Diary of Doom: Job Edition.


	2. Chapter 2

Enjoy the newest chapter in Itachi's Jobs of Doom: A Doom Diary Special, which was formerly known as Itachi's Diary of Doom: Job Edition! I hope everyone likes the new name. Many thank yous are in order to all who read this and especially to TRIGGER M00NSHIELD for adivice, comments, and just being amazing. Also, keep watch for the new fanfiction Rock Lee's Diary of Youth. But, enough of my rambling, to the batmobile Robin!

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Pein has ordered me to get another job. This time I will find one, lest he make me work at another fast food place. Orochimaru is making Sasuke get a new job as well, maybe we should work together to find jobs.

**Never, Itachi, find your own job, and make it far from mine.**

**-Sasuke**

My foolish little brother does not understand the kinds of jobs that are proper for a Uchiha. I hope he finds a decent job. He better not end up working somewhere embarrassing.

It's a wonderful coincidence! Sasuke and I are working together at the same place! I love working at Sports Authority, it's much better than McDonalds ever was. The customers and employees are nice and I get to work with my beloved foolish little brother, oh, what joy. We have been selling soccer jerseys and equipment together.

Unfortunately, I do this job too well. I have been given the position of being a personal athletic trainer for hire. I hope that I don't have to work with any freaks and only with normal people. I have my first client soon. He is in Konoha, so I was worried as I am a wanted criminal there. However, as I am a Athletic Trainer for a ninja, I have been given temporary safe passage in the village. I hope everything goes well.

This sucks. It turns out that I was hired by Guy to help train Lee. Why does the job I actually like have to turn into something awful? Why do I have to train Lee? Why must I listen to obnoxious rambling about youth? Why? I want to quit and I haven't even started yet. Life is so cruel.

**TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! Itachi needs to be more like Tobi, happy.**

**-TOBI**

Never, Tobi, never. In fact, I have something for you. Come here. Now.

**What is it Itachi?**

**-Tobi**

This. Amaterasu! Well, that took care of one nuisance for now. Hopefully it'll be a while before he bothers me again. The Amaterasu, while harsh and painful, is best for dealing with Tobi as it is cheaper than lollipops, lasts longer, and is far more entertaining to watch. Sometimes I use it on Tobi or Hidan on days when I am bored and have nothing better to do. At least I got some joy before I have to go train Lee.

Today my time of torture begins. As soon as I arrived, Guy ran up to me with a package. I hoped it was a gift from work and a letter of apology saying that this was a mistake and I am not to train Lee, but it was a green jumpsuit. Guy is making me dress like him and Lee while I train the boy. Thankfully, I was able to keep my hair the same way it usually is, but I look stupid in that awful piece of garbage.

I began to attempt to teach Lee ninjutsu, but then I remebered that he can't use any. I thought he might be able to potentially use genjutsu because of the disturbing one that he and Guy appear to be eternally trapped in, but he cannot. All that happened when I attempted to teach him genjutsu was that my eyes were burning and bleeding from the on genjutsu the boy CAN do. My ears also hurt from hearing him shout about youth. Do I really look old?

**Itachi, let me tell you that as long as you believe you are filled with youth you will never look old. YOUTH!**

**-Guy**

I have had enough of their ranting about youth. I taught Lee some new taijutsu moves, so I accomplished something. I am burning that green monstrously hideous clothing. Take me to the nearest cliff, lake, fire, or someplace dangerous. Please. I need to do something to escape the pain of this job. I no longer care if Sasuke is nearby. I just want to quit. Why must I always be tortured so? Why?

**As I need him alive, I have allowed him to quit his job. Itachi will be fine.**

**-Pein**

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So, that was Itachi's second job. What do think he should do next and what do you think of the new title for the story?


	3. Chapter 3

Time to see what Itachi has to end up doing this time. Let's see how this new job goes, and can he keep it? By the way, if you enjoy this story, you may want to read my new story, Akatsuki Internet Trouble. It's really random and funny. Also, I want to thank everyone that has reviewed, favorited, followed, or read this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also, Itachi will have a regular a diary as well that will be called Dear Foolish Little Book: Itachi's Diary of Insanity.

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As of today, I have decided on the perfect job for me. As I am excellent at fighting with fire, I shall become a firefighter.

**Um, Itachi...firefighters put out fires, they don't start them.**

**-Deidara**

Oh...

It appears I may have to change my plans. Are you sure, Deidara?

**Positive**

**-Diedara**

Darn it. Then maybe I can start fires. That must be a profession.

**Itachi, being an arsonist isn't an accepted job. Find a real job.**

**-Pein**

So, it seems I can't go ahead with my plans. I need to think of a new job. I'm going to have to figure out what jobs that I won't hate are available. Maybe I can work at a zoo or something. Yes, a zoo would be satisfying. I would be able to easily handle the animals. I wonder what my foolish little brother is up to now.

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I apologize for the short chapter. The next one will be much longer. Please check out Itachi's Diary of Insanity. It will be published soon.


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